Today, our team was temporarily partite. One group went to the home of sick and dying children, another group to Gertrude's orphanage home. I was privileged to be part of the group to visit the home of sick and dying children today. What an astonishing experience! Such an enlightening day!
Talk about being completely and utterly emotionally stretched! First off, I found that children all over the world are the same. They are generally happy, loving and forgiving souls. Walking through the door, I see smiling faces and some with arms up. 1 little boy waddled up to me and tugged my skirt. Looking down, I see big brown eyes, a smile to match those eyes and drools on his chin. What a site to welcome me! Just as soon as he's in my arms, his head drops to my shoulder. That unconditional love I instantly feel coming from him. And here, I thought it was my job to pour the love into these children today, and maybe will receive a smile or two back. Right away... I knew it was going to be a fun filled day.
I am playing with this little boy and his apparent nemesis (they kept trying to pinch each other's arms), finding out that I am receiving more joy out of these 2 boys than I could possibly give, I spot a little girl sitting by herself on her little plastic chair. She looks lack luster and lethargic. At this time, the boys are playing nicely with each other, so I go to pick up the little girl. She's not doing too well. She refuses to drink water, or milk, or the porridge they have prepared for her. My heart is instantly broken. No sick child should be alone. Without someone to love them up and give them comfort. Hold them and let them know they are loved. Unfortunately, she isn't the only one. Plenty other sick boys and girls needing a shoulder to rest their heads on, or lap to sit on. Parents may come from hours away to drop them off. Some do not return to reclaim them. So, I give my shoulders and laps as much as I can to as many boys and girls who need them.
Fun filled day? Far from. I instantly feel so hopeless, so despondent, so inadequate. The world I came from, where I am in control of most things, where I have a solution to most everything, suddenly disappeared. My way and skills of planning in order to control the outcome of our family's days, weeks, months, are no match to face what is in front of me at the moment. I can't make this sick girl eat, or drink. I can't even make her smile. She is content in my arms, and nothing else, but in my mind, being held doesn't physically heal her. Not when lack of nutrition is what brought her here to begin with. I can't sit next to her crib tonight, making sure she has her medicine, something nutritious to eat, liquid to drink, sing her a song to ease her pain, and mostly to ensure her she is not alone. That she is loved until she falls asleep for the night. I have 2 hours to do something good, and I barely touched the surface.
So... the big lesson of the day for me is to "SURRENDER". I surrender to the power that be, for the events I cannot control. I surrender to the idea that someone with much larger and more comforting arms are holding these boys and girls in His arms, and that these sweet innocent children will be taken care of one way or another either in this world, or in the next. Surrender... is not just another word in my vocabulary. It is a whole new word that I now have real understanding in.
In the meantime, today, I have completely turned the love bucket in my heart inside out. I have given it all, and I am going back to the guest house to refill that love bucket so I can give it all away again tomorrow, on our water truck day!
Posted by Farida.