The Bridge Day 3- With Every Heartbeat

In a place known as the Home for the Sick and Dying Babies, the sound of a baby’s heartbeat kept my spirit alive today. 

When we walked into the nursery, the only sound was a child crying in his crib. No diaper. No one to give him attention. No hope in his eyes. But, he had a heartbeat. Steven had a heartbeat. 

Steven, was carefully lifted out of his crib, cradled and soothed. It didn’t last long. But his heartbeat did. He was passed around from one loving person to the next in an attempt to calm him until he was placed onto my chest. I guess God knew we both needed to be held and our hearts needed calmed today. 

Our hearts needed to beat together, it seemed. As the temperature rose and the sun grew stronger on the black, rubber matted playground; our connection grew with it. 

We found a patio, free of children and parents and cries and the chaos of the entryway. There was nothing but the concrete patio and benches, and a beautiful large shade tree in the middle. Our hearts beat together. Just a few steps away from the doors of the hospital, Steven showed his first bit of joyous emotion. I couldn’t help but smile. 

We played with an empty soda bottle, the only toy we needed. We enjoyed each other’s company in solitude for just a few moments. He ate lunch, we wandered the playground again, and then he slept. 

Knowing our time together was drawing near, I soaked up the last few heartbeats of Steven’s that I could. I held him close as he grasped my arms in his sleep. Back in the entrance of the hospital with about 15 people around, still the only thing I could hear was the tiny heartbeat of the beautiful child in my arms. Hoping that the sound of mine brought him just as much comfort and serenity as I was feeling. 

Does the heart beat just to break? It’s a muscle, right? So without tearing and breaking it cannot grow bigger and stronger. But how can something so small do something so big? How can someone so small do something so big? God held that that child’s heart today through me, and my heart through Steven. Thank you Steven, for the reminder that God knows our every heartbeat. 

~Jessica Varner